Happy New Year! I'm obviously still crazy.

While I'm no longer a serious point and money grubbing farmer, I've gotta admit ... I am still farming. Things are a bit different now as I just sort of do whatever I want around the farm without chasing rewards so much. What more do I need? I have more than enough land to make farming it all a heavy-duty clickfest from hell (especially if/when I'm outta gas).

I think I log in as much (or more) for my neighbors than I do for myself now. I have 12 orchards loaded up and producing seedlings more quickly than I can get water cans to grow them all. I harvest the orchards at random times until I get at least one seedling to post for neighbors and ... well, unless I feel like planting some crops that's about all I do.

I might check the winery for sales, buy some goods or bushels from neighbors and make a couple bottles of wine here and there, but I don't put much effort into. Why bother? It's Farmville.

The farm has a whole new look since last you've seen it. I covered it with sand. I like to pretend I live at the beach and pay local strippers to come play nude volleyball to distract myself enough to not notice there's no ocean.

C-ya 'round the farm.
Farmer Ben

Damn You Zynga - I've Obviously Lost My Mind

Ok, so FarmVille is not so easy to get away from. I should have just deleted the farm. Wtf was I thinking?

So anyway, from the time I retired until a few days ago I would occasionally drop by the farm to return a few gifts or go do a little something for a neighbor, but had all but ditched this time wasting habit ... and then Zynga dropped the new crafting bomb on us ... and my winery is doing just fine. lol

I've been playing a few other games, trying things out for possible review ... and yet I keep coming back to this crazy farming game. I spent more time than I care to admit just rearranging the farm for the new winery.

By the way, much has changed since I bailed. The blog entry on here about cheating with chickens for eggs ... that doesn't work now. They fixed that. There are also new items, new collectibles, co-op farming and more ... but let's not get too carried away just yet.

After all, I might explore this winery thing a bit and decide to go back into FarmVille retirement.

Additional notes ... I upgraded to the mighty plantation and have nearly moved up to multimillionaire status. ...and I'm back on the farm WAY more than I have been for a long, long time. I've lost my damn mind.

C-ya.

Farmer Ben

Success! I Escaped from FarmVille!

I'm not sure what exactly happened. The secret crop in my greenhouse was about ready for harvest, so I sampled just a bit of it. Next thing I know I'm growing white corn and flyin' a Haiti flag. The animals had taken over the land, I'm rich as ... fertilizer, and there's a big peace sign flyin' over the greenhouse. What the hell happened here?

Ok, so about a week ago I reached my goal ... and began to ween myself off of FarmVille (instead burying myself in other little things to do). Still ... I've managed to squeeze in just enough time to harvest all crops and start changing things up for less manual labor. I just can't seem to find the motivation for it anymore. :)

As you can see I've achieved the high FarmVille goal that I set for myself. I got that big ol' plantation. I mastered the grape. I got my $250,000 log cabin. I got my $100,000 greenhouse to grow the killer bud. ...and I have well over a million coins. Now I'm pretty sure that gives me the title I have always dreamed of having. Retired Millionaire Pothead. :)

AND ... I actually had enough FarmVille cash to help out what little I could with the situation in Haiti.

Thank you FarmVille (and Zynga) ... none of this would have been possible without you (seriously, that was a cool move).

Of course I'll still check in on the farm from time to time, and I'll return gifts as I can, but I have a lot to do right now. Farmer Ben got his dreams ... now it's my turn. ;)

C-ya 'round.

P.S. Don't smoke the plant that comes with the greenhouse. It'll give ya the killer headache. If you need some good seed, drop me a line. :)

FarmVille - The Mental Health Threat

Warning: Extensive play of FarmVille is hazardous to your mental health.

Ok, this is just ridiculous. I've now started planting crops in patterns just to see what my farm looks like when they are in full bloom. Someone please call the funny farm and send the men in white coats before I actually start planting in more complex patterns ... or worse - putting messages in the fields.

This has simply gone too far. I mean ... just a couple weeks ago I was perfectly normal. Ok, well, that's a lie. I've never been "normal" a day in my life, so I can't blame FarmVille (or Zynga) for that, but damn it man. This shit's just not right!

However, after harvesting these colorful crops I did become "Lord of the Plow" by hitting level 30.

...and I bought my greenhouse. :)

Now, knowing li'l farmer Ben as I do, well ... I'm pretty sure that while I am writing this he is setting up his hydroponics system in the new greenhouse and/or flipping through that seed catalog he got from AmsterdamVille last week. Why not? I haven't seen a single cop in FarmVille. Have you?

FarmVille - Doin' That Chicken Thang

Alright, so after the last crop I stole a few more plots from the garden to expand my little visitors area in the center of the board ... mostly so I could try out that chicken coop / mystery egg thing. Well, it works. Cycled a few different sets of gold and black chickens through the coop and gathered not one ... not two ... but THREE batches of gold mystery eggs. Sweet.

Oh, and when I harvested the black chickens I put in one ready-to-harvest black chicken and four golden chickens that were NOT ready ... and I got golden eggs twice, but no black eggs. This tells me two things. 1) the unready chickens still count in the odds of getting specific egg color. 2) I am SUCH a fuckin' dork that I sit around playing with digital chickens in my spare time AND ... I blog about it. What the hell is wrong with me? I used to be cool. Ok, not really.

So ... the farm is progressing nicely and li'l farmer Ben is heading towards a happy FarmVille retirement check. What were my goals again? Oh yeah ... big ole plantation (check), log cabin (check), greenhouse (lvl 30 is just around the corner), and a million coins. We're in the home stretch now. :)

Both sheds are upgraded, so plenty of storage for now. I did finally get sick of all the clicking and buy a seeder. Laziness prevails! Was saving fuel for plowing (since that's the only one that contributes to the "Lord of the Plow" ribbon), but ... screw it. Retirement is on the horizon. :)

C-ya.

FarmVille - Extra Mystery Eggs!

Gotta love those mystery eggs eh?

Well, to get more of them you need more friends with the best chickens, right? "Sharing is Caring" right? ...or in this case ... sharing gets you more friends finding and passing around mystery eggs in FarmVille.

To the point... I found this video that exploits the system (just a bit) and allows you to harvest more mystery eggs with the one chicken coop that FarmVille allows us to have. Check this out.



Now ... no excuses for not sharing more mystery eggs in FarmVille. :)

...and I have to make room to do a bit of this myself. FarmVille friends just can't seem to get enough.


Hey, just thought of something and thought I'd come back and add it here. About this chicken coop upgrade that's coming ... is this still gonna work?? Hmm. Guess we'll find out when they get it done.

FarmVille - Trap Your Farmer!

OMG I can't believe I'm still playing this game. Not only am I playing it, but I'm ACTIVE! I catch myself clicking posts to my live feed for 50 coins. Wtf am I gonna do with 50 coins? lol

So anyway, yeah I hit level 29 last night, hosted a couple barn raisings and now have more storage than I'll ever use (I hope). I'll need level 30 before I can buy the greenhouse, and at that point I'll change things up a bit at the farm.

For now ... let's talk about a simple little FarmVille strategy ... trapping the farmer.

Yesterday I visited a farm that only had a few plots left to fertilize ... and they were scattered. Not such a big deal when your farmer can't get to those areas because he/she doesn't have to walk all over the farm to help out a neighbor. Now to make matters worse ... after I shoveled some shit on their crops ... I had to feed the chickens ... on the opposite side of the farm.

Now I know it's only a little extra time for the farmer to walk and do his thing, but ... well, in my opinion since they started the chicken feeding thing it's never been more important to trap the farmer. It's just too easy to do and SO convenient for your visitors when they don't have to wait for the farmer to walk around (especially on a big ole plantation).

Most of you (I'm sure) know how to do this, so ... well, you can skip this paragraph. To trap the farmer simply go to your farm (or leave and come back) and stand still in the spot where everyone lands when they visit, then surround your farmer with anything. Fence him in, put hay bails around him, hell ... surround him with chickens if you want. Be creative. As long as he/she can't get to the crops or the chicken coop you're good to go.

Trapping the farmer will allow your visitors to get the job done faster and move on. Hey, FarmVille is a busy place.

Do your neighbors (and yourself) a favor and TRAP THAT FARMER!

C-ya,
Ben T.

P.S. One more thing ... remember that as you upgrade your farm the landing point changes. Don't forget to move your farmer trap after an upgrade.

All Hail the Grape Master!

Yes, I am now the Master of Grapes. I have the sign to prove it and I can feel the power I now wield over FarmVille. Is this the goofiest damn addiction you've ever had or what? Seriously!

...and Zynga just keeps adding new stuff so you can never really "finish" the game anyway. Still I catch my dumb ass in here harvesting crops and collecting gold chickens. What the hell have you done to me Zynga? I'm convinced they are using some sort of mind control. There's simply no other explanation for it.

So anyway ... about the new stuff ... yeah, new ribbons just for having fences (I don't see myself ever getting the blue ribbon for that) and of course ... a good old fashioned barn raising. Yep. I'm hosting one right now. ...and hoping my friends will jump in and lend a hand.

At the moment I need help from 3 more friends to upgrade a shed to a barn.

Did I really just say that? lol

FarmVille Sucks!

Add me on facebook ...and as a neighbor in FarmVille.

...and help me build this damn barn. I bought beer. :)

Back In Business ... and business is good.

Yes! FarmVille finally let me in, my crops have been harvested, the ground is seeded (with more grapes) ... and YES! ... I got my damn gold chicken. :)

I guess farmer Ben doesn't have to strap the tractor with a fertilizer bomb and head for the Zynga office after all.

Rolled past that $250K mark again so I snagged up my log cabin. Came with a nice points bonus that pushed me up to level 28. Still growing grapes. Still working on mastery. Still gotta hit level 30 to get my greenhouse. Still gotta save a million coins.

No worries. I'll be there in a few days.

Catch ya later.
Ben T.

P.S. FarmVille sucks. :)

Free FarmVille Tips: This one is time sensitive. These 1/5 fuel tanks ... um ... you can use them to get more fuel. If you're about to call an end to your day in FarmVille and you have a full (or close to full) tank of gas, use one of the 1/5 fuel tanks to overfill it, then logout with just a bit of fuel so the autorefill will do it's thing. I have 74 tanks of fuel now. Thanks everyone. Keep'em coming. :)

FarmVille is Dead!

Ok, not really, but FarmVille hasn't loaded for me since this morning.

Instead I am greeted by this:  Howdy farmers! We are resolving reported LOADING issues and have TURNED OFF WITHER, so your crops and farms are safe. Fix coming soon!

Well, no loss but it kinda sucks. I had my grape crops staggered, hitting 3 times a day for a quickie harvest and replanting and now I'm gonna have one big-ass crop of grapes. Damn. Oh well, better than no grapes at all (so I'm glad they turned off wither).

I'm guessing the issue isn't effecting everyone since I still have friends on my list posting fuel and mystery eggs. I dunno. But ... that reminds me. Someone posted golden eggs and I hatched a golden chicken ... then the game didn't load. So now I'm wonderin' ... am I gonna get my gold chicken or not?

That truly was a mystery egg ... and I hope things work out best for you Zynga. I'm serious. Hell hath no fury like a blogger who didn't get is damn gold chicken! :)

So anyway ... I think that's enough since I can't get into FarmVille right now anyway.

Another Day in FarmVille

Ok, well the carrot crop was waiting on me when I logged in earlier. I replanted in tomatoes (as I mentioned last night) so all my little FarmVille crops would come in together this evening. What I logged in to see tonight was a whole field in need of harvesting, plowing and replanting.

It was completely covered in ... money. :)

So I decided to do it again. The whole field is back in seed just as it was last night so tomorrow will just be a repeat of today (no need to blog that, right?) But after this next cycle I might mix it up just a bit to stagger my harvest times a little more. A whole field at once is not only very boring ... but it guzzles the gas if you're using machinery. ...and you don't want to harvest, plow and replant a plantation by hand unless you have excess time to kill.

You can see my coins and experience on the pics too, so ... well, that's my current daily income, but it grows as you gain access to more expensive seed, so it's just gonna get better and better. Still trying to decide whether I want to upgrade to a big ole plantation or not. I probably will. It will give me more land to plant and, of course, turn more profit per day ... but it's also more work. Yeehaw.

We'll see. It'll be a couple days anyway, but I just wanted to give you a peak at the income you can pull out of a plantation at my level (after 10 days) on a typical day with just a couple short visits to FarmVille. I did harvest a few trees and animals and help a few neighbors while I was there too, so the coins & exp were not totally from the crops, but nothing major happened (no achievement bonuses).

So anyway ... I'll see you around FarmVille.

Money or Mastery? FarmVille Strategy In Action! Exciting huh? :)

Ok, with the last crop of Poinsettia out of the field ... and as I let the last of the other crops ripen ... I ponder for just a moment ... money or mastery?

I have nearly earned my second star in grapes, and a full field of grapes would be a big leap towards that mastery sign (which I can proudly display to show the world how much time I've wasted here) ... or I can drop in two full fields of carrots in the same amount of time. Hmmm. No sweat. I'll split the field then work towards staggering grape crops.

Oh, but as I harvest more crops I go up a level ... 25. Hmmm. Now I can grow sunflowers. They give the same experience, and take just as long as grapes but the payoff is bigger with grapes ... and I must keep my grape mastery in mind. Wtf? Why do I even care? Damn you again Zynga. I hate you.

Ok. Not really. :)  I don't really stress it. I mean ... it's FarmVille. lol

Yeah, I'm gonna go with a carrot & sunflower split with some grapes in there for a few mastery points. In the morning I'll swap out the carrots with tomatoes and by tomorrow night I'll have the whole field available to do it all again. ...to bank another pile of coins & experience. Li'l farmer Ben just wants to be a millionaire ... with maybe a log cabin and a greenhouse to grow some pot. :)

Yep. I'm bored.

Add me on facebook ... and as a neighbor in FarmVille

What is Your FarmVille Philosophy?

Ok, time to go deep. I'll try not to make it hurt ... much.

Do you have your own FarmVille philosophy?  I do, and whether it's on a conscious or subconscious level ... I'm guessing you have one too. It's your own way of looking at things that becomes the driving force behind the seemingly endless time wasted in this stupid game we call ... FarmVille.

Or you might say ... it's the primary thought behind your strategy.

Let's explore, shall we?

We'll look at the two opposite ends of the spectrum. You will likely fall somewhere in between.

First I'll let you in on my FarmVille philosophy. I can boil it down to one sentence. "Money in the ground is money in the bank." Unless you totally screw up your timing and let a crop dry up you will always be making money if there's something in the ground. So I always have crops ... and as many as possible.

Lately I have given up a few plots in the center of the board for a little landing patch for visitors, but it's still 99% business. Ok, maybe 95%. I have flowers all over the damn place chasing another ribbon. lol It's ridiculous I tell you.

Anyway, let's take a look at my plantation.

From the very beginning I worked to plow as much of my land as possible. With every upgrade came 2 new rows and more work for me to do. What the hell was I thinking? Oh yeah ... "money in the ground is money in the bank".

Well, at this point I'll be upgrading to a Big Ole Plantation within a couple days and coins are not really an issue any longer. They come in pretty fast now. Here's the thing ... I've only been playing for 10 days. lol  Actually I think tomorrow makes day 10. Yeah. Anyway ... it's EASY to build big and to do it pretty quickly. I'll be able to ease off the throttle, settle in and decorate in nearly any way I choose in a few days so ... yeah ... two weeks to a kick-ass farm in FarmVille. lol   ...and it could have been done faster. I made a couple mistakes here and there. Like letting a whole field of raspberries go to waste. Tisk tisk.

The friend who brought me into the game ... well, I passed her ass up a couple days ago. She's been playing for quite a while now. How? Well, it's because I'm a badass farmer. Ok, if you don't buy that ... it's because of my stupid FarmVille philosophy - "Money in the ground is money in the bank." ...and because I have systematically grown my farm and worked my way to planting more of the more expensive seed. Money spent so far has all been about making more money or getting more experience points ... and when li'l farmer Ben is a millionaire ... THEN I'll worry about decorating.

Free FarmVille Tips: Make friends and get neighbors quickly. Just add a few a day from one of the "Add Me on FarmVille" pages on facebook. I include a short personal note on these friend requests that says "FarmVille. Add me as a neighbor."  That's about all there is to it except, of course, approving their neighbor invite or sending them one once they've become a friend. Then check the live feed on your facebook homepage often for free bonus links posted by friends. The extra loot comes in handy while you are still growing.

Now let's visit another farmer on that "opposite end" I mentioned.

Ok, as you can see here ... this farmer might say "Why do today what you can put off 'til tomorrow?" or possibly "Fuck this. FarmVille sucks." We have the 6 original plots you start with in FarmVille. The four original crops are still here. All dead. The two plowed plots have obviously been fertilized. I've fertilized them a couple times myself. Nothing ever grows there. It's tragic. Isn't it?

Well, for just $19.95 a month you can save a garden just like this one. Send your check or money order to ... Ok, I'm kidding.

That's probably the best thing about FarmVille - there's really no "wrong" way to do it. It's YOUR farm, right? You get to do things YOUR way. So what is it? Lay some FarmVille Philosophy on me.

Post it as a comment.

Happy New Year! ...in FarmVille

So, did you get your big new year prize and level up with the ball drop? I sure did. But now it's confession time.

How many of you greedy glitch-seeking farmers dropped 10,000 coins on another ball just to see if it would give you another level?

Come on, I know someone ELSE tried too. lol

Yep, damn straight I tried it. I had to. Besides, with a plantation plowed from corner to corner ... yeah, I fart 10,000 coins now, so it was worth the loss just to actually see if it was cheat proof. No luck. It was. :)

Hey, a friend of mine wrote a basic FarmVille guide. I think we're gonna just post it up here and expand on it. I have a few tips I want to add to it myself, but of course your input will be welcome and appreciated by those who read our free farmville strategy guide.

So anyway ... Happy New Year! ...in FarmVille.

Catch ya later.
Farmer Ben

P.S. Add me on facebook ... and as a neighbor in FarmVille.

FarmVille Sucks!

I know, I know... a gazillion crazy gamers will rush to their defense, but damn it ... it's true. This goofy-ass game sucked me in, wasted a shitload of my time ... and now I can't stop going back to facebook to check my damn crops.

Thanks a lot Zynga! Don't you think I already had enough shit to do with my time? I guess not ... so you put out this super-cheesy little game you call "FarmVille". ...and don't try to tell me it's not cheesy. My alien cows give milktonium muddafukka!

Yeah, sorry about that. Anyway...

Dumb as it may seem, li'l farmer Ben has been working his ass off, and I've spent more time on facebook in a week than I have since I signed up looked around and bailed out of sheer boredom a couple years ago. lol

Wtf Zynga? Seriously, I know these games are making you fat stacks of cash, but damn you're like ... fuckin' up people's schedules and shit. I wonder just how many company hours have been spent playing FarmVille? I'll bet it's a lot!

Kudos on the game and congrats on it's success. What are you up to again? ...like 70 million registered players? Damn. ...and I'd bet a large percentage of those are quite active. I was almost never on facebook. Lately I've just kept the PC logged in all day. I keep pokin' my head in to see if someone found a stupid lonely cow or something I can adopt to get a lousy ribbon (and the experience points). Someone just shoot me.

Again ... wtf Zynga? Damn it. I have shit to do!

So yeah, FarmVille sucks. If you're not careful it'll suck you in too. If it's too late, well, best of luck to you. Add me as a neighbor. :)

I am (and have)
Ben Twisted

...and I am a addicted to FarmVille. You bastards.

P.S. Add me on facebook ... and as a neighbor in FarmVille.